OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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