If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
