need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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