so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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