a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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