WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
