Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
