i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
