Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
