this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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