pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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