the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
