I puked a lego.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have tasted many bathrooms
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
