Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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