ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
