I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the condom got lost in my hair
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
