Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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