I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
