ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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