If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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