I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
