I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
