No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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