Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
