The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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