she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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