you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
