i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
