ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
