Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
