first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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