The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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