I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
