Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
