At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
