so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
