We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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