the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
