You smell like a Billy Joel song
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
