Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
