i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
