she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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