Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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