Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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