it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
