Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
