You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
