matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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