You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize