dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
