Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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