The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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