the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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