Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Semen is not good for contacts.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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