Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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