Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
