Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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