If i come over, it means nothing
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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